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Thursday, August 26, 2004

Salvation

Is time a companion or a stalker? Something that hunts you all your life. Sometimes when the beast nears, you feel a sense of urgency, a pull at your gut, telling you something must be done, but what?! Nothing comes to mind, life seems hopeless, a pointless journey one cannot hope to finish well.

All the gains you’ve made, your friends, loved ones, people who would do anything to help you, all fail you in the end. Time always gets his prey. But is all really lost? Is the sole purpose of life to win the game? How can it, it is impossible. Maybe the purpose is just to make those friends and loved ones.

Suddenly life seems easier, the pressure lessens, you feel at ease. Your attention comes to present, your eyes look into those of your lover. All at once your soul is stolen away and it all seems worthwhile, after all.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Just a happy little muse

What if everything you thought you were...you weren't? If you had based your life on something thought innate, how would you handle finding out it was a figment of your imagination? I see the fools walking by every day, content with their dillusion, unwilling to find the truth. They somehow muddle through life, jadedly thinking that their miserable existence is as good as it gets. How I long to have that narrow-minded view again. Why can't you unknow things? Why must one be responsible for what he knows? I know I must grow and change, but I'm happy here. I'm filled with sorrow, knowing the life I'm making for myself is for nothing. I don't wish this to happen, yet I wish it were over already. Just pull me out of this misery.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

A New Hope

Afraid of remaking previous mistakes, I approach this new person with reservation. He seems to view me as a pillar of emotional strength, if only he new the train wreck that I've become. Things are different this time. Now I have knowledge on my side. I know what I have to do to make this ship sail. This brings me hope, that someone such as myself can be salvaged, forgiven, and become an equal. How can this debt be repaid? I have nothing to offer but my unflinching lust for life, and an inexorable love. Is that enough to buy salvation? The task ahead of me seems doomed to failure, something that will take an impossible amount of confront. Is he strong enough to accompany me on the journey? My task will take so much effort, I don't know the effect on me it will have, but I fear that the weight of it will obliterate his fragile form. With each step I will move toward total spiritual freedom, and I wish to take him with me. If we survive, it will be an incredible adventure. It's a long way to heaven, and one hell of a ride.