Now back to our regularly scheduled rant

I couldn't believe it! After paddling down this fucking river for seven hours, I realized I had no idea exactly where I was. I was amazed, confused, and utterly pissed all at the same time. How the hell do you get lost on a river?!?! It's a line! With a beginning, and an end! As long as you're on the that line, how could you NOT make it to the end? And yet, here I sit in my aluminum canoe, three hours past the time I SHOULD have arrived at the dam, and I see none in sight. I was on a trip with five other friends, and they were going a little slow so I decided to paddle ahead a little. I noticed, about half an hour later that they hadn't caught up yet, so I pulled off and made lunch. I had no one to talk to, so I started arguing with my little radio. It looked kinda like the face of a bug, so I named it something bug-like. "Damn it Bob! Where are they? They should have been here by now!" Bob, of course said nothing. I knew it was a long way still to the dam, so I decided to just keep going, only more slowly this time. That's pretty much what led me to here.

I just came out of the woods, and now I'm looking across the valley. I should have been at the dam three hours ago, I can see for miles, and there's no dam. I casually mention to Bob, whose face resembles that of a bug, but I'd never tell him that, "I hope we weren't reading the map upside down." I paddle on for another hour or so. My radio didn't get any reception out here. That pissed Bob and I off big time. We're stuck in the middle of nowhere and we don't even have any music. Perfect! After another hour, Bob starts to lose it. "We're not going to make it! Where are we? We have no food, no water, and no one even knows we're out here!" I slap him. "Get a grip! We'll be fine! I have some trail mix, and we're sitting on a river, we've got plenty of water, dumbass!"

In the distance, I see a road. It looks like it comes down to the river. A livery pickup! I scream at Bob to paddle faster, and faster. We make it to the concrete slab, and jump out onto dry land. I look around: there should be an emergency phone somewhere. I find it and call the livery. My friends are looking for me. Stay put the man said. Bob and I chat until everyone arrived. "How did I miss the dam?" "We slowed down to pull off the river. There was a portage we were supposed to make. We assumed you had already gone through." Bob looks over laughing at me. "Shut up!" My friends give me a strange look...