And life rolls merrily along….

First off, let me ease your minds/give you the worst news of your life…I still live. Yes, I’m still kicking, and even a little harder, so go bite your aunt’s asphalt. The question that still seems unanswered is this: will my life EVER have any semblance of normalcy?

Let me start off replaying this escapade by saying I have a new job (again). Interestingly enough, it’s for the same company where I had my first job. As my best friend so aptly put it “Welcome to three years ago!” Things are a bit different though, I was hired directly into a supervisor position. Not out of the ordinary, but let me tell you how it happened. When I found out about the position, I didn’t immediately apply. Instead, I talked with my former supervisor, asking her honestly if I could do it. She seemed confident, and had, in fact, been speaking with the district manager a few days prior about me, so I put in a web application. I few days later I got a phone call from someone saying she’d like to talk to me about the position. So I called…and she had NO idea what my qualifications were for the job! It baffled me why she even called me if she had no data. So I briefly went into the standard sunshine-blowing-up-the-ass maneuver, and she decided to have me come in for an interview. Apparently the district manager remembered me, and put in a good word, so after a second interview with the district manager herself, as well as the DM for the rest of the departments in the store, I got the job. Fun.

Then there are my finances. I finally have a fair job, so I’m getting things paid, which is nice. I finally even am able to buy certain things that will make my life easier, such as food, and things. So I decided to give a fair sum to a charity that I believe is doing a lot for society, even though I can’t necessarily afford it. I decided that it was worth the few meager weeks I would have to spend as a result of it, so I just went for it. Well, a little while later, I found out that my high school boyfriend decided to bequeath his entire estate to me. It’s not impressive, but thoughtful, and slightly more than makes up for my donation. Go figure.

Lastly is my love life, or lack thereof. I’m still the kind of guy who doesn’t need someone there to make him whole. Lately though I feel like I’ve been neglecting an entire dynamic of my existence. While the rest of my life is improving, bit by bit, I have this one area that is naught but a chasm. There are two fronts that have appeared in the battle against the nothing. (Amusing side note: I got a kitten and named him Sebastien. If you need me to explain why that’s funny, you need to stay out from under your rock a little while longer.) There’s this guy that I had a class with a few terms ago. Great guy, funny, smart, drop dead gorgeous, you know, perfect. He even likes me, too. One problem…he says he’s not looking for anything. He’s totally giving me indicators that he wants to start something, then he acts uninterested. He flip-flops between the two worse than Bush and Kerry in the last election. It’s totally driving me crazy. Lately though, his interested phases seem more earnest, so I don’t really know how to take it.

Then, there’s my ex. Even after we broke up, we remained amicable. We’ve gone to get coffee together, and even had dinner once. Recently though, we’ve been a lot closer. That has a lot to do with both of us coming to terms and taking responsibility for the events of our relationship. So not long ago we went to a movie together. One of those kinda cheesy flicks by a director we both like. Ok, so it was Corpse Bride (which rocks, by the way.) Afterwards, we went to Johnny Carinos, and had dinner. He mentioned during this that I should come over to the house (which looks great since I moved out, all redecorated and nice, except the kitchen ^_~ ) and watch some episodes of the West Wing (which I know now is a great show) that he has on DVD. So a couple weeks later, I do just that. To start with, he suggests we go out to eat. I’m hungry, and I’m not very picky about what or where I eat, so we agree on a restaurant that we both love, but are generally too poor to go to as often as we’d like. So we’re sitting at Hapa (a yummy little Sushi and Sake bar on Pearl Street in Boulder) having a good time, and we’re joking around, and I insist on paying for dinner. Yes, bitch, it’s my turn!!! He’ll learn eventually…then we go back to the house. After several episodes, a couple cups of tea, several smoke breaks, a deep discussion, and pausing our joking to clear the definition of a word, it’s four AM. It’s decided that I will stay, and I’m ready to curl up on the couch and pass out, but we end up in the bedroom. Now don’t get too excited, nothing happens, except we fall asleep together for the first time in more than a year. The following weekend, we did nearly the same thing. Then again the weekend before Thanksgiving. We still haven’t done anything more than fall asleep together. Not that I would be terribly opposed to anything else happening, but seriously, how much more bizarre a relationship can two people have?! NOTHING in my life is normal anymore!

There’s a song that creeps into my thoughts every time I think about the twists my life has taken. One verse particularly: “There’s a moment that we all come to in our own time and our own space, where all that we’ve done, we can undo, if our heart’s in the right place.” Well it must be! I keep getting these chances to make right the things that I’ve done and not done. People whom I’ve not seen in a decade hire private investigators to find me, and I have a chance to heal 15 year old wounds. I’m talking about mistakes that are old enough to drive! I’m not just reconciling these within myself; I’m getting to fix them with those people. I’m not sure if someone up there likes me, or that being’s masochism is being satisfied at my expense. I have to say I’m enjoying the irony.